Other half

Well maybe I have to stop thinking too much. Expecting too much. That's just how the problem will stop coming in. Less tense. Less negativity. Happy me.

Oh god, I don't know when will this shitty feeling of mine will finally evaporate into the air without having me to settle and handle this alone. What is it that everybody wants in life that I have failed too many times to give? I give people a lot of  'give and take', appreciation and what not.

Well maybe I have failed to let them see the part of me that's always sad and problematic. Or did I come off too strong? I want to come off strong to people so that they won't bend or break me. I may act like I don't care sometimes but I actually do. I do, I do. I am not always self-centered. I am not always that ignorant. I just have to. I have lost myself so many times before and I don't want to lost myself anymore, but I already did... for appearing too strong.

In life, there will always be that one person who knows you the best, who fills your emptiness and light up your spirit. That person will make you weak and empty and alone if they leave. I felt that. I have that person. He owns my heart, every bit of it.

I thought that I am better off without you. I thought I was right but no, I can't watch you leave. I have a part of you linger in my mind.

Or is it just me? I can't be moved.
No.
I'm always moving but I'll end up at the same place.


He may not be perfect, he is maybe a little harsh when he's angry but if I can't accept him at his worst, I definitely don't deserve him at his best. So, I choose to travel back to time, revising all the mistakes we made and start to plot a new beginning.


Maybe I should have not turn my back when you apologized last time. Maybe I should stop feeding myself with ego and grudges. I was wrong for not giving you another chance that night. I am sorry I can't accept your apologies but I am glad we're alright now. I know it's not easy for you, because I'm the one who chose to leave. Thank you, love, for giving me another chance.


And thank your for still wanting the same old me.